where the heart is

have three essays to write within slightly less than two weeks, not counting an optional one which i know i should really do in order to up my grade in constitutionalism, but i cannot bring myself to begin any of them. for all my complaining about how sciences po’s curriculum does not make us write enough, i am completely unmotivated and reluctant to make the best of these three measley assignments. i really idle too much. i should start this weekend. in fact, i think i will. i will start this weekend.

on top of this, my bank account balance has recently been dwindling horribly and last i checked it’s gone and dropped below €300. if CAF doesn’t pull through for me and CROUS forces me to pay, i will actually be left with nothing for the rest of the semester, not to mention korea.

with so much i need to attend to, i know i should stop dwelling on the future and get on top of things in the present, but my thoughts have stopped belonging to this academic year – they are with the impending departure and long-term absence of z, with summer and with the year ahead. it is as though this year has already ended for me. the fleshing out of my first year at sciences po is so complete now that nothing that could possibly happen can alter the flavour.

i don’t think i am alone though. earlier, z and andreas jogged to the beach with me wobbling nearby on luc’s bike. (discounting the frigid seaside wind, it was a rare day of lovely weather for le havre.) licking around the sides of our ice-cream cones, the boys talked with flo, hatou and elsa, who sat with us at the beach about someone’s problematic flight tickets to china for his 3rd year abroad. so really, the 1st years talk of what they’re going to do in the summer, where they are going to go, and the 2nd years talk of preparations for their 3rd year abroad.

it’s incredible how transient a two-year long academic programme is. the end of the 2008-2009 year is in one and a half months, but already it feels like many of us have our hearts elsewhere than the immediate affairs that root us here.


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